I think I have just called the whole thing off. I realized today that this is not the style of "well traveled" that I want be. I can't simply skim through the world and think I know it. This trip has been an obsession of mine, but to much of it was wrapped up in this idea of effeciancy (trying to see it all in one shot, so that I can go back to the tv and sleepy way of american living). I may get a taste of a lot of cultures, but that is all it will be. I am thinking more along the lines of making sure that my life is in a place, that accomodates-my need for adventure, and time enough to connect with the people and environment around me. I am now thinking not so much of "traveling" but more along the lines of "retreat" or "immersion". How much do I think am going to actually learn about a place without knowing the language and having a rythmic routine that is based in that culture. Sure you can get by, but why not ask for more than just getting by. Stop living at the bare minimum. My life has been infused with so much passion over the last month. I have enough fuel now to push me into a more accurate expression of myself and a deepening of certain commitments and a clarity that will keep me hopefully on the right path. I think though for the moment that amsterdam is end of this particular journey. I once said in my life that I don't want to travel unless I can live in a place for a long period of time. I think that I forgot about this choice and got caught up being a overacheiver rather than a superexperiencer(if that is a word). I wanted it all now, but now I want to spread it out over a long period in my life. no more once in a lifetime experiences. how about many times in a life. How about as many second chances as you need. How about limitless possibilities. If you can imagine it, its not far off. Thank you everybody for your support.I am positive that if I keep going in this direction I am not going to experience anything but a lot of stupid monuments and pyrimids and will probably miss the heart of the culture I am in.
